Love and Other Drugs

Today, as I watched the faces of people as I walked through the streets, I started thinking about friendships relationships. This was a most dificult subject for me to grasp, seeing as every relationship is different. There are some that inspire thought and wisdom. There are some that I are simply meant to entertain you, distract you even. Some relationships fill a hole or a void that you somehow have refused to deal with throughout time. Others swallow you whole and when your finally digested you dont remember what parts of you are them and what parts are you. And then you have those that truly give you meaning and help mold you into a better person.

I can say that I am blessed enough to have experienced almost every type of relationship there is. I saw one particular couple that made me really smile. The way they embraced each other was so nostalgic to me. It made me recall a particular person that I used to embrace that way. Sometimes I wish that I still could. Dont get me wrong I have no regrets about how and what happened between us. I just wish that I could experience things from her point of view, and her from mine. You know, when your in the midst of a break-up {be it friends or lovers} you cant see clearly in front of you, even if it is the truth. So how could you expect to ask someone to see what youre seeing? Feel what youre feeling? Lines are murky in relationships especially when you have no idea what you want from that relationship or from yourself.

[Without getting too deep into details or too far off the subject: We grew apart. We used to be so close, and somehow we became different people. We once shared everything {as much as you could possibly share with a person who is not yourself. No one shares EVERYTHING WITH ANYONE}But we shared a lot with each other. We were the kinds of friends that leaned on each other, but for me there came a point where I  no longer wanted to lean. I wanted to stand on my own. And you cant stand on your own if someone else is leaning against you. Sometimes you can help people, or offer your support but it gets to a point where you need to let a person fall so they too can stand on there own.]

Some people will come into your life for a reason/purpose. Some people will be there for a season. But every once in a while you have that 1 if your blessed, perhaps 2, that will be there for a lifetime. You cant shouldnt hold onto people who are not supposed to be in your life longer than they are. And those VERY few people who do stay for the long haul. Those people that your soul mates with in a way that you cant understand or control, they will not abandon you. They will soul search with you. Even when they have found their own already. These are the people who will help you to find your true self. But in order to become your true self, the best person you can stand to be, you have to figure out who that person is. Get to know that person. Understand that person. And you only get there by trial and error. Those relationships that stick around through the trials and MANY many errors, are the ones that are worth.

I can say that I have 2 friends that are have stuck with me through that process. They didnt complain, they didnt b.tch about my constant changes, they adapted and reacted accordingly. They supported me. When I was learning to walk again for the first time, they held my hand. They helped me rebuild myself from the ground up and the inside outwards. There were ugly moments, there were things about me that I didnt care for, there were things that needed repair. And they were there for all of it. They have been stapled relationships in my life.

But the most important relationship, that you will ever have, is the relationship you have with yourself. And when you have someone that fits perfectly with the you that you love... Hold them. And dont let them go.

I will leave you with this amazing video that someone posted to my facebook page.

Impossible

I wanna build snowmen
In the serengeti
With ur spiritual oasis
While u love me
Impossibly
Serenade my soul
And I will surrender
All of myself
To ur sweet serendipity
Intimately Indicative
Of the passion
We shared
In old times
And past lives
When we were
Pharaohs
And I was ur kingdom
Give me the throne
And our royalty
Will know no
Boundaries
I wanna smell u
In my dreams
Wrap ur essence
In my ecstasy
And hold onto u
Like a deeply desired
Fantasy
I wanna love u on purpose
Knowingly risk my heart
For the sake
Of forsaking my fears
Show me everything
Bare to me ur dignity
Prove that ur  love worthy
And love me
Impossibly
I wanna see God
In ur eyes
Know u so intricately
U inhale through me
Take my breath away
Because I
Intuitively trust u
With my soul
Intrinsic lover of mine
Wrap me in ur
Angelic wings
And let this impossible
Love soar

Ghost Writing....

Its been really difficult for me to look at your page. And I know this is silly, writing u a message that will probably never get opened or read, but its just something I have to do. I've never had the chance to explain myself or apologize to you for my being so abrasive. I know someplace inside I knew that I should have approached that situation differently but my heart, it was so anxious and full of love for u, I just had to do what I had to do   Tell you what I was  feeling. and when you didnt react to those feelings, I was LIVID... lol (How immature, right)But I kept those good times at heart. Those times when we would talk for hours and watch Purple Rain over the phone, and laugh at how only Prince could change somebody's whole name and it be ok lmao. And how you wanted to join that organization so bad that you transfered schools to get your chance, even tho I disagreed cuz nothing was worth that much lol. Or when I had to damn near stalk yo ass cuz I hadnt heard from you in weeks. And when we stopped speaking, for whatever reasons, I was so mad at you... Everytime I thought about it I would get annoyed. But a year ago around this time, I saw you walking from your car when I was going to campus, and I had  We had a short convo, caught up briefly and everything I ever shared with you rushed back into me for a second, then we said our goodbyes, And it was so short and its so odd because I never say goodbye (Only See you Later)... It makes things feel like the end to me, and ironically it was the last time I ever saw you. Even though I tried so hard not to, I love you from the depths of my soul and with every fiber of my being I will continue to love you. In life and in death. My soul mated with you in a metaphysical way that only the two of us would understand without words. I guess heaven needed another angel to watch over things. But I know you're happy now, and its all I've ever wanted for you. I pray we meet again someday. But until then, hold my spirit the way only you could, and keep me in the light. Protect me from harm and lead me to salvation. Happy Birthday... From your dearest friend... I love you. More than words. Show Heaven how we do it on Earth lol... 

Te Amo Mas Que...

They're More Than Words
They're more than
You've ever dreamed of
They're Freedom
And Love
And I Love you
More Than Words
So when my lips part
And my heart begins
To whisper
I want your soul
To hear me say...
Te Amo Mas Que...
Amor

"Love is but discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition" Alexander Smith